Friday, 2 October 2009

a bear behind. and in front. and up a tree too.

friday 28th august: kalispell, montana
we woke up in our tent in jessica and toby's garden, having had a really good night's sleep. you can have just the inner up without the outer if you know it's not going to rain, so you can look through the vent bits straight at the stars/moon/trees/wildlife. that afternoon we set off to glacier park to go hiking for a few days. we stayed the first night just on the edge of the park in apgar campsite, near lake mcdonald.

this was a busy site, but really cool, each pitch nestled in the tall tall pine trees - loads of those washer dryer equiped rvs, but we were very pleased with our little tent so we didn't care about that. we pitched our tent, outer-less, by the toilet block as most other sites were taken - handy we thought for needing a wee in the night - not so handy when as the night came on we realised there was a very bright outside light shining from the toilet block. oh well you can't have everything and at least we wouldn't get lost looking for it. it was also around now we realised we'd forgotten our new hiking in glacier park book, and also i'd forgotten my insole things that the man in mexico had made for me, and which would have been very useful for all the walking we were going to do. oh well, such is life. and apparently worse things happen at sea, my grandpa always used to say that. i suppose a shark attack would have been worse than this, so he was right in this case.

saturday 29th august: glacier park
we got up at 5.30. this is because when you hike in the glacier park backcountry you have to get a backcountry permit to go in and stay there at the sites, so you go to the permit office and sort out your route and book your sites for the relevant nights, and the earlier you get to the backcountry permit office, the better, as the sites fill up as you can only book them that day or for the next, otherwise you pay an advance fee. so bert dragged me out of sleeping bag at 5.30.... we were planning to get to the office for 6, and wait until it opened at 7, anticipating a kind of wimbledon men's final day queue for tickets outside it. weirdly there was nobody else around. we parked the truck and i promptly went back to sleep with the heater on full blast, while bert shuffled around and mumbled about backcountry permits and what time did the office open etc. it got to 7ish and bert was becoming more ruffled by the fact that the office wasn't open yet, and there was still nobody around. by 7.10 he had enquired at the coffee shop opposite and a man told him the office was actually 100 yards behind us. oops. we got there at 7.15. i saw a list of campsite availability on the desk and said oh goody it seems there's still a lot of sites available. the man behind the desk chuckled and said oh that list was printed out at 7am, and a lot happens here between 7 and 7.15 you know, i'll print a new list out for you and we'll see what's available. oops, not very clever strategic planning by us. bert was in the military and you'd think he'd know better than to make such an error, so i blamed him for this. weirdly he blamed me.... anyway we planned our next 4 nights and booked the sites, and watched the mandatory safety video about bears and food and camping and safety etc, and left all ready for our trip.

we went back to our campsite and took down our tent, ate some oatmeal (aka porridge in england english), and packed our rucksacks. only to realise that all our stuff did not fit in all our rucksacks - we had my big one, which i guess is 70 litres, and my little one i use for cycling, which is i guess 15 litres or so. we tried to shove everything in, or tie it on with carabiners and rope etc, but it just wasn't going to go. uh oh. we went back to the backcountry permit office and asked where the nearest rucksack shop was - good news, only about 15 mins away - bad news, he wasn't really sure they sold rucksacks. well we had no option but to try it. and how long was the drive to where we'd planned to start our hike please? 3 hours. uh oh. we had 10 miles to hike once we got there, and a rucksack to buy first, and 3 hours to drive, and it was already around 10.30am after all our faffing around. not very military planning i'd say. so much for the great outdoors relaxing you and taking all your stress away..

by 1pmish we were at chief mountain trailhead (right on the canadian border), rucksacked up, walking boots on, gummy bears and werthers originals handy, and off we went.

after 5 minutes i needed a wee. after 5 more i needed to take off a layer as it was hot. 5 minutes later i needed some water and to take off my leggings (i had shorts on too don't worry). bert was not happy with our progress. soon we got into the swing of things though and had just the right amount of clothing on and were hiking merrily along through the trees (lots of) and other hikers (not many) and wild flowers and chipmunks (my favourite montana animal, except for deer). around an hour into the hike, suddenly we heard a big rustling and looked up to the left where a grizzly bear was skulking off, having just crossed the path in front of us. we didn’t get a good look at him, but it was definitely a bear, you could see the size of it. we backed up a bit and got the bear spray out in case of emergency, but he carried on regardless, up the hillside and into the brush and trees. i was pretty scared. bert said well that’s our bear for the trip, that was pretty close, and on we went, kind of excited to have been that close to a bear but scared too (me, not bert - bert doesn‘t get scared at anything except one time when he nearly died on an aeroplane that was landing in a storm in kathmandu).

after about 20 more minutes, i was walking ahead of bert, we were clapping and making noise, you are supposed to do this in bear territory as one thing bears don’t like is to be surprised. i happened to look up (this was a thin bit of trail so you had to look at your feet most of the time to make sure you didn’t fall over into the grass on each side), and to my horror there in front of me, about 50 feet away, was a bear, right on the trail and looking right at me - a black face and a big beige coloured nose. in retrospect it was really cute, but at the time it was not cute. i broke the bear safety rules, and basically turned and walked very fast (aka running), straight past bert, saying in a panicked whisper - there’s a bear, right there, right on the trail. i carried on back away from the bear, and bert told me to calm down and get back there close to him. i tried but weirdly my legs didn’t want to carry me back towards the bear… at this point, right in the middle of that panic, we hear a rustle off to our left in the brush towards the trees. bert said, there’s a cub, that’s a mother bear and there’s a cub off to our left, lucy this is not a good situation, we are between a mother bear and her cub. we then heard another cub rustling around. so we were basically between a mother bear and her 2 cubs. uh oh. i was hyperventilating and imagining the bear mauling bert and what the hell would i do? i looked around to see what trees i could climb in the area. all this time, bert was watching the mother bear, as she raised up on her hind legs, and sniffed the air - he’s thinking for sure she’s going to charge us, and he said she was absolutely massive - thankfully i didn‘t see this bit as i probably would have passed out. after a while she plopped back down, apparently satisfied that we were no threat, and lollopped off to the left towards the cubs. one cub was up a tree by this point, that’s what mother bears will do to protect them - the big bears can’t climb trees because of their long claws, but the cubs can. bert, seeing that the mother had left our immediate danger zone - ie. right in front of us - tells me to get the camera out and get some pictures. i told him he was insane, but he insisted, and quite frankly i was too scared to put up more of a fight, so i got the camera out and tried to get a picture of the cub up a tree, who was staring right at us, which was very spooky. i wish i had got it, but i missed and got a picture of just a blurry branch. we had to decide whether to carry on, or leave the trail and cancel the whole hike. we chose the former and carried on past the bear area, me looking warily to my left the whole time and trying not to imagine in great detail what it would be like to be eaten by a bear. if they run at you you are supposed to get down in a ball position and hide under your backpack, and if they try to get you with their claws in that position, it’s probably that they just think you’re a stone to be overturned or something, and you should let them turn you over, then curl back up into a ball - this way you won’t appear to be a threat to them. or if there is a handy tree you can climb up it to escape too. if you try to outrun them you will always lose as they can run at 35mph.

so this was bear encounter numbers 2, 3 and 4. surely that is enough for one day, if not for one lifetime you would think. but oh no, 10 minutes later, i’m walking ahead again in case the mother bear comes back from behind us, and there off to the left, around 30 feet away is a huge brown bear, standing in a meadow, looking right at us. there’s another f-ing bear robert - i yelped - where, he says, right there you idiot, looking right at us ohmygod - oh so there is, get your camera out please - no i really will not, i said, wanting to cry. we had no choice but to walk right past the bear, going backwards we’d be heading back towards bears 2, 3 and 4, so at least carrying on would take us away from bear 5 too, but in to who knows how many more bears……… i was feeling a bit weak and pathetic from all the excitement and heightened blood pressure and mental trauma by this point. this bear just stood there, all big and scary looking, and watched us go past, and didn’t move a muscle.

bert has spent tons of his life in this part of the world, in this park, and in the bob marshal wilderness, and other backcountry hiking places, and he’s never seen a bear other than in the distance going through a meadow or up a hill or something. and here we were having 5 bear encounters in the space of 2 hours, on our first day of hiking, on my first day ever of going to this type of place. so i’m thinking that there must literally be bears all over the place, just waiting around to scare the crap out of all the hikers. you see their poo (scat) on the trail, full of berries all the time, but bert says that just means they could have crossed the path anytime recently, and that it was really really unusual to have all these encounters. i don’t understand quite how bears got their cuddly teddy bear reputation, or those nice little stories about them having picnics in the woods or testing out beds and porridge - this is not a true representation readers, of actual bear behaviour. what they actually do is hang out in the woods scaring the crap out of people. and doing tons of poos.

about 20 minutes after all this drama, we happened upon 4 horses, a cowboy and a lady lying on the ground with a broken arm.

we had seen these guys at the trailhead and talked to them, they were headed to the same site as us, but the horse with the lady on had freaked out and tripped over its lead rope and she had gone flying over his head and she said she heard her arm breaking just below the shoulder. i offered her a werthers original sweet, or gummy bear, or pain killer. she had had enough pain killers said the cowboy, whose name was scott ping (like ping pong he said). there was nothing we could do to help, they were waiting for the helicopter to come and airlift her out. we didn’t hear the chopper until around 9pm that night which means she must have lay there for about 7 hours, which is really not very nice. bert took some photos of her as she lay there with her arm in a sling, all pale and upset looking. bert likes to take photos of dangerous/unpleasant situation, as you may have realised.

so, on we went to our first night’s campsite, which was at cosley lake.

we pitched our tent, exhausted after the 8 miles with our big backpacks, and mentally exhausted from the wildlife encounters. we ate our dinner and chatted to peter from new york who had met us at the bear encounter time and got his bear spray out too, but generally seemed un-phased by the experience - he had done a lot of camping it turned out, and just finished working on some kind of children’s retreat where you take bad children camping in an attempt to make them good. he was a strange character, slightly reminiscent of the guy from into the wild in some respects. there were some other people there too, one had a blue jacket with bright orange stripes on it, i had thought he was a ranger but he wasn’t.

all through the night deers came round the tent, sniffing by the tent and looking for food. i freaked out thinking they were bears coming to eat us, but was too tired to really pay attention to my paranoia by this time and slept surprisingly well.

sunday 30th august
today we hiked 5.5 miles to mokowanis lake. first we had our breakfast. when you camp in the backcountry, there are very strict rules related to food/eating etc - you have to hang up all your food in a food hang, up on a rope around 15 feet off the ground, and any other things that may give off an odour, like shampoo, soap, your cooking stove and utensils.


you can only eat in the designated food area, not by your tent, and you can’t have campfires unless it says so, mainly you can’t though. the campgrounds are not supervised, and are small - usually only having 2 or 3 pitches, thus you still have the feeling of being in the wilderness as there are only ever a few other human beings around. so when it’s time to eat you go to the food hang and get your bag of food and stove down and take it to the food area. we had freeze-dried food mainly, which was surprisingly tasty - they do things like lasagne with meat sauce, eggs and bacon, omelettes, pasta and pesto etc. the best was the raspberry crumble we had. when you wash up and tidy up you have to make sure that no trace of any food or drink or anything that might attract an animal, gets on to the floor. the deer came right up to our food area to have a look, but went off to eat leaves again, not impressed with our freeze-dried food. i think of all the animals we’ve seen the deer are my favourite: the best thing about them is that they can’t kill you, not that i’m aware of anyway.

on today’s hike we met 2 really cool girls, they’d been hiking in the backcountry for 11 days, and were doing the full 14 (you aren’t allowed to be in there longer than 14 days without coming out and getting a new permit). one had studied geology so told us about the mountains, which are apparently 80 million years old. i can’t believe they can date things that far back, and bert doesn’t believe in it at all but that’s another story and he’s entitled to his beliefs just like everyone else is. anyway we and the girls and another boy that was there hiked up to the top of a waterfall through lots of scrambly rocks and bushy trails.


the view was great from the top looking back at our lake and we picked some huckleberry finns on the way. on the way down we passed scott ping with his horses. one of his horses is called harvey wallbanger, and scott and harvey are the national champions at a sport called ski joring which is a horse and rider going really fast and a skier attached to them behind the horse. sounds crazy. anyway he had seen a huge bull moose and said we must have been blind to not have seen it on our hike. he showed us a photo of the moose and it was huge. because he’d come in on horses he had brought tons of supplies like wine, beer, rum, vodka, gin, tonic, etc etc, and he generously shared these around and we sat around in the food preparation area drinking and him and bert told stories about hunting and being manly and hiking and things like that.

scott then waded into the lake (freezing cold) and attempted to fly fish, whilst drunk and a little bit stoned. he borrowed my glasses to be able to see the fly, which i can’t imagine helped at all as they are the stupidest prescription ever, then asked me to tie the fly on to the line as he couldn’t see what he was doing, which i managed to do. he didn’t catch any fish, but it was all quite amusing and the point isn’t always to catch a fish i suppose.

monday 31st august
bert awoke at 7am on hearing the bull moose run right past our tent. on talking to the other girls one of them said she had been standing outside the tent, and there was the moose staring right at her, and she freaked out thinking it was going to stampede her - moose are very dangerous apparently - and then she watched as it ran right next to our tent. i missed all of this in my blissfully unaware sleep state, but i do wish we’d been up to see it, as moose seem fairly rare to see. i traded her some coffee for one of their huckleberry pancakes which was really amazing - food always tastes better when you’ve made it outdoors and it’s been somewhat of a hassle.

today we hiked back to cosley lake, another 5.5 miles. we saw bear scat along the way, but by now i had just about calmed down from our encounters. i still thought that every large dark object i spotted, like a tree trunk, was a bear waiting to jump out at me, so was still quite jumpy. we swam in a lake - freezing cold, but very refreshing especially when no other way of washing is available. i think the most we managed to stay in was around 1 minute. we swam in cosley lake and mokowanis lake and this other one we passed, i don’t know its name.

so we were back at the same campsite as the first night, which was really a beautiful place - a long lake in a bowl of mountains, all reflected on its smooth surface, and no noise (except the occasional plane passing overhead - talk about shattering the illusion of being away from the world). we met 2 guys, one a photographer, and the other a real life indiana jones character, who knew belize well and went there often on caving adventures to undiscovered places and the like. he said once he got lost for 14 hours in the jungle and was all dehydrated and disorientated. we met another couple who were in there without a permit and blatantly flouting all of the backcountry rules - they lit their stove and it exploded and fire spread round the food area much to our horror - we were being all self righteous and proper campers and tutting at them. then they went off to their tent and built a fire near it and cooked on that. can you imagine our horror at such rule breaking….

tuesday 1st september
today was a rest day, we only had 2 miles to hike to our next site, at gable creek back on the way out. we chilled out by the lake, i started the cloud-spotter’s guide book that abi and laura had posted to me, and learnt about cumulus clouds, that’s the first chapter. i read about a pilot that had to eject right into a cumulonimbus - those are the massive grey storm clouds - and the description of him falling through it - it took him 40 minutes to reach the ground because he was getting so bumped around, he was black and blue from huge hailstones hitting him and you get gusts of up to 70mph blowing you back up the cloud. then he went through the actual stormy bit and thought he must have died and gone to heaven because when he looked up some lightning had lit up his parachute so it looked like a big heavenly white dome. bert said silly man, he should have stayed in his plane even if it was broken, and ejected from it once through the cloud.

we hiked our 2 miles in the afternoon, stopping off to look at a waterfall and little pool on the way, which bert jumped into and had a freezing cold swim. we got to gable creek campground just as it was starting to drizzle, for the first time since arriving in montana actually. it turned into a bit of a big drizzle but we got the tent up in time and sat in it, all cosy listening to the rain. shame you can’t eat your biscuits and things in your tent as that would have enhanced the cosiness.
we had gone to the ranger station which was just nearby this site, to report the bad campers from the night before, and report our bear sightings. the ranger and his wife were out, somewhere else in the backcountry, so we talked to a worker man instead.

there was a mule there and 2 old horses, he said they bring them here when they’re old and retired. we went to stroke them and take our pictures with them. they have a pretty good retirement home, amazing view of massive mountains and a nice little ranger wooden house and some other out buildings nearby, i bet they love it there.

i didn’t have a rain jacket with me, so i used my backpack rain cover to shelter me at the food preparation area. we met a couple from texas, she said she’d heard a bear cub crying as it had been separated from it’s mother. i started having palpitations imagining the mother bear eating us all in revenge for losing her cub. then the lady said the cub had stopped crying so all must be fine now. we also met 2 men from atlanta, georgia who had brought absolutely tons of food and spices and herbs. they made a fire and roasted chicken on it in foil, and fried some veggies in a pan and had a selection of drinks. me and bert drank our whiskey we’d brought with us - it was our last night and we had to finish it so we gulped it down. it made my eyes bulge out of my head a bit as it wasn’t very nice, but it warmed me up. they were really nice men, one was a doctor, and they talked about deliverance which is filmed in georgia and they knew a lot of the people in it. i haven’t seen it, but i can play that duelling banjos theme on my guitar. we talked about flying, and cycling, and england and things and generally had a really nice time. it’s so cool meeting all these new people just for one evening round a campfire or a non campfire, and sharing stories and being just there in the wilderness and away from everything. your whole perception of life slows down and all you have to think about is your camp stuff, your food, your hiking, and where the bear spray is at. it’s really the most incredible scenery i’ve ever been in, and we had amazing weather. we had to put the outer bit on the tent a few of the nights as it helps keep you a bit warmer. bert had this swanky sleeping bag which has a special bit for your mat to go inside so that you don’t slide off your mat in the night on your slidy sleeping bag. he loved this. i didn’t have this function and i did slide off my mat most nights.

wednesday 2nd september
we hiked our last 6 miles back out to the carpark at the trailhead. this was all up hill, not very steep, but definitely up hill. we were surprised to finish these 6 miles so quickly, and must have definitely got stronger over the 5 days. we had set off really early, and watched yesterday’s rain and the dew becoming mist as it rose off the meadows as the sun warmed it up.

it is very much worth getting up at daybreak, it’s a really special time of day because things are just coming back to life and there is a sense of optimism and excitement about the rest of the day. i know i don’t exactly have a reputation as being a morning person, but just because i can’t formulate sentences for the first few hours of the day doesn’t mean i’m not happy - i like to stay quiet and adjust to being awake and alive still. i’ve never understood those people that jump out of bed and start singing and whistling, it’s like some strange disorder.

anyway that was that, and we got back to the truck with wet feet and sore backs and shoulders, and less food than we had at the beginning, but great memories and near death stories, and feeling fit and strong and healthy. we went to the customs man at the border, as we were right on the border, to ask what would happen if i was to enter canada after my near deportation from LA - he said i’d be fine now i’ve got the visa waiver paper in my passport, they wouldn’t ask any questions. that was good to know, but we never did get round to going up there - we can save it for another trip as i’m sure it will always be there. that is unless the supervolcano in yellowstone erupts and wipes out all of north america - i read about this in national geographic this month - not whilst in yellowstone as that would have scared me too much, but once we were a safe distance away in colorado. anyway, we drove back to kalispell and stopped en route at a café for some non camping food, and some berry pie.

thursday 3rd september: kalispell
nothing much happened. i felt a bit ill, maybe from some takeaway noodles we’d had last night, so i lay in bed making bert bring me cups of tea and painkillers and things. we babysat madi, who didn’t wake up until 10am which is late for a small person apparently. she is so cute and has all these books about princesses and animals and things, she loves reading which i think is great. she likes eating cheerios for breakfast, but doesn’t like grapefruit, or at least she didn‘t today. i’m not surprised as it’s quite bitter.

we did our washing and hung out our tent to dry in the garden, which after walking harlee the dog, had blown halfway over the fence. harlee chased a few cats like a mad dog. we had real trouble putting her harness thing on her that you then put the lead on. it was like some intelligence and spatial awareness test you’d get in krypton factor, and we broke out in a sweat trying to figure it out and had to ask the neighbour to help. we watched a river runs through it, which is filmed in montana. sadly the dvd broke about 15 minutes from the end, just when it’s kind of getting into the interesting bit that ties up the whole rest of the film. this angered me a lot and i had a tantrum. and that was the end of that day.

the grey ghost

saturday 22nd august: kalispell, montana
we went on a hike, we being me, robert, toby, and madi. robert and toby shared carrying madi in one of those rucksack things you carry small children in - she is 2 and a half so weighs a fair bit when you're carrying her on your back for a long way, apparently. we planned on doing a 4.5 mile hike, in the jewel basin area. we hiked up mount aeneas, and passed the place where bert used to launch with his hang gliders back in the days. this area is in the swan mountain range, and near swan lake. once you're on the peak you look over the back to 2 green blue little lakes, shimmering like jewels down there.

we came upon some mountain goats leaping around the place and generally being very good hikers. they are very quiet and kind of ethereal, they have funny faces too. madi spotted some sitting down on a patch of snow which was quite amazing as they were barely visible against the greyish snow. we figure she'll be a pro hunter one day. the hike ended up being 10.5 miles and took around 5 and a half hours. coming down we stopped at the jewelly lakes and ate our sandwiches and apples and exclaimed at how beautiful it all was. harlee the dog jumped around in the lake making nice ripples.

there were mountain meadows that were like the garden of eden, full of beautiful wild flowers - red ones called indian paintbrushes are my favourite - and beargrass, which is kind of tall fluffy grass stuff, and purple and yellow flowers, and lots of chipmunks.

bert has seen lots of amazing places in montana, having grown up there, and has seen lots of places in the whole world, but on reaching the summit of mount aeneas, he exclaimed thus:

Hidden away by the Gods, like a necklace of pearls, among the crags and fastness of the [Swan] Mountains, lies the Jewel Basin, the enchanted land of this our Montana. Friends, I have seen the sun set on the minarets of Spain, and make splendid the dome of St. Sophia in Constantinople. I have watched the play of color upon the desert of Egypt, with the Sphinx and pyramids. I have made a trail through the hinterland of the Canadian Rockies, to where the Aurora Borealis from the polar skies make the northern night glorious … but for kaleidoscopic lights and shadows, for octaves of tone and color, for unending variety of the moods and forms of Nature, Jewel Basin is the most charmed and charming spot in all the world. *

we returned, tired and happy to jessica and toby's, and went up to their cabin on bitterroot lake, for the rest of the weekend. there are so many lakes around montana, all totally flat and glassy and just the cleanest purest water you've ever seen.


this lake is around 20 minutes from kalispell where jessica and toby live, so they go there most weekends to hang out. whilst there we canoed (i made bert do most of the paddling), looked at some of the amazing houses on the lake, took some underwater photos, tried to get madi to go canoing too but she started looking like she was going to cry so we didn't pursue the matter, had a campfire and roasted marshmallows and put them with chocolate between 2 little biscuits - this is called a smore and is very tasty. maybe it's called a smore because once you've tasted one, you want s'more. we also looked at some horses up the road, i went for a 20 minute run and realised i have lost whatever fitness i ever had in my life, ate some more food to get over this realisation, got a bit fatter, slept a bit to get over all of these things, looked at fish in the lake off the deck, and ate beetroot knowingly and willingly for the first time in my life - it was so much nicer than i had ever anticipated.

on sunday night around 1230am we were all fast asleep and suddenly harlee starts barking like a mad dog, all loud and mad, jessica gets up and is telling him to shut up, bert gets up and goes to see what's happening, all the while the tv is on for some mysterious reason, showing black and white fuzz and buzzing like in a horror film. there's 2 big raccoons outside on the deck and harlee is desperate to chase them up a tree, but can't get at them, thus the barking - bert goes out with the camera to get a picture of them, this is his always his first concern when faced with a dangerous/vaguely stressful situation that nobody else is enjoying (see bear story coming up). raccoons are actually very vicious and not to be taken lightly. anyway he gets a few pictures, then comes in and they run off, and harlee shuts up and the tv is switched off again, by us this time, not the ghost that originally switched it on - now that was spooky. it had done it the night before too as we'd all been sitting there. perhaps it's on a timer, but it seemed like a different time each time. so it must have been a ghost wanting to watch the news.

tuesday we took madi for a bike ride in a little trailer behind a bike - i rode that bike and bert rode a trailerless one. we did a little circuit of the neighbourhood, she liked it, she hadn't really wanted to go but after about 1 minute of it she said she was really liking it and didn't want to ever stop. we went on some vaguely gravelly road for a minute or so which she didn't like but we sang some songs at that point. the small hills we went up were pretty challenging with the trailer and only 3 gears, even after my 20 minute training run the day before...

that night we went to depot park in kalispell to see some live music, it was rob quist, who used to be in a band called mission mountain wood band, all the other members of which had perished in a plane crash over flathead lake in the early eighties rather tragically. bert kind of knew them as he used to go listen to them back in the days, so he went and said hi and shook rob's hand and i got a photo. madi liked the girl playing guitar so i took her to say hello to her too, she was very cool, she was the daughter of rob quist. there was another boy on guitar too who was his son. madi danced around with some other kids and we watched with bated breath to see how long before she'd collide with one of them and it'd all end in tears. there was a collision but no tears which was good, she's pretty hardy like that. she was definitely the cutest kid around, and i'm not just saying that like people do sometimes just to be polite. me and bert went to moose's saloon after that, a real spit and sawdust kind of bar, you eat peanuts and throw the shells on the floor, or at each other, or at other people. we got a pitcher of moose drool, a dark beer which you wouldn't want to drink too much of. bert used to have hang glider meetings there. the wooden walls are covered with people's carved initials and the lights are low and seedy, and there's a couple of old arcade machines there too. very authentic montana.

wednesday 26th was fairly uneventful. i pondered whether to go to canada for a year, as i can get a work visa for it as long as i get it sorted before i turn 31. in the end i decided not to, but it filled a good few days worth of pondering.

thursday we got a truck to borrow from jessica and toby which was cool. we drove around to look at some other trucks with a view on buying them, old ford 150s, gmc's etc - i learnt a fair bit about trucks and 4 wheel drives, and fuel injection versus carburetors, and intake manifolds (what the hell), and things like that - not really because i need to know these things, mainly just by a process of osmosis from listening to bert talk to various different truck sellers/mechanics about them. when men talk about cars and motorbikes and engines and mechanics etc, it literally is like listening to a different language for me, and also i wonder how did they acquire that language? i know bert knows about aeroplanes because that's been his life, but when did he acquire all that car language that he just lapses into when around a car and other men? it's mysterious.

we went to look at gardener's rv place, and looked at some used trailers/rvs (an rv is a recreational vehicle, ie what we would call a campervan or motorhome). i asked if we could please look in the biggest rv they had? he drove us on the little golf cart he uses to get around the parking lot full of rvs, to the biggest rv they currently had. it had a fireplace, a tv that popped up from above the fireplace, 4 leather swanky seats, a washer and dryer, a bath. it had more stuff than most people's houses have, i couldn't believe how swanky it was. he knew we couldn't possibly afford it as we had told him so, but it was fun to just look at it. we then went to the outlaw inn, where it was 2 for 1 on long island ice teas, so we ordered 2, i mean 1, which meant 2, then another 2, or one plus one as it was 2 for 1. in all we had 4, 2 each, and were a bit drunk after that as they were a bit strong. when bert had filmed his first of the 3 wrigleys chewing gum adverts he did, the whole film crew and him had stayed at the outlaw inn for the month, waiting for the perfect weather for filming and flying. in our drunken haze bert bought some cowboy boots, and i bought some socks - i suppose this isn't the most ridiculous thing you can do when drunk, but there you go, that is as crazy as we get at the moment.

in the parking lot we spotted a dog which i thought was a whippet and bert said was a grey ghost - we had an argument, then decided there was one way to settle this - we asked the owner, who was standing right by him. he's a grey ghost, he said. oh, i said, all deflated. the man was a bit fat, wearing a purple tshirt, and trying to use his iphone, all these things simultaneously. we asked him about himself, he was a dancer, and was coming from los angeles from a dance competition, he did these for fun and money and toured around the place, with the grey ghost. i wasn't sure if the long island ice teas were making all this surreal but i think it just basically was a bit surreal. i took some photos of the ghost, which as you would expect from a drunken photo of ghost, came out a bit blurry.

we went home to jessica and toby's and slept out in the garden in our new tent. the man in the shop said it's dead easy to put up - or rather he said it's real easy to put up, as they don't use 'dead' in an adverbial sense here in america - we were thinking what a liar, and cursing him, when after 10 minutes of sweating and swearing, i figured we were trying to put the outer up in place of the inner, and no wonder it didn't fit properly and was looking all wonky. this was funny and stressful at the same time, a bit like that time they nearly deported me in LA. i'd say this was probably a little bit funnier than that though.

* actually this was not bert, but the reverend eugene cosgrove (not sure who he is), in 1919, - but you'd barely know the difference...

Monday, 28 September 2009

rocky raccoon and buffalo bill

a huge pyrocumulus cloud in jellystone park - some of the park was on fire, which can cause a type of cumulus called pyro (meaning fire) cumulus - this one was massive and growing fast, as was our fear as we had to drive right through the smoke and smouldering trees to get to that night's campsite... the ranger told abi and andrew not to stop in their car when going through the fire even if they saw a bear on fire doing cartwheels across the road.

some gummy bears which accompanied us on our hike in jellystone park, you can see some gangrene has set in on the transparent one's right foot. we had to eat him.


hi fans

sorry for the blog silence, we are currently on the road in the motorhome, just north of denver, colorado, hijacking some wifi internet from a nearby hotel, hee hee. going to bypass denver as we don't like big cities. we left montana last week, then spent some time in jellystone park with yogi bear and boo boo. actually with abi and her friend andrew, which was really cool fun. saw lots of wildlife - see buffalo above, we were surrounded in our car by a whole herd of them. that's abi in the wing mirror too. i was in the back seat screaming that we were going to get gored to death by a herd of buffalo.

i drove the motorhome, who we have named monty - because he's from montana - for the first time yesterday, and some more today - it's kind of hard keeping it in the right place on the road as it's so wide, and we were on some quite thin roads, but thanks to some serious coaching from bert i have got the hang of it now. the other day the fridge flew open mid driving which was amusing as the orange juice fell on the floor and an apple rolled around the hallway. bert set off driving one morning at 4am which was also amusing as i was rolling around trying to still sleep in the bedroom - perhaps they should install seatbelts on the bed for this scenario.

i have obviously lots more to update on but wanted to assure you all i was still here. it's been tricky finding time/internet connections to stay in touch, and i now have blog panic as i am about a month behind, but will rectify this soon.

as you can see i have figured out how to put photos then captions! this has only taken a year and 2 months. hooray. more later, happy almost october - we have to lock up the fridge and get on the road, headed for estes park just west of denver. if you want to trace our route on your maps of america - get your highlighter pens ready -, it's been: kalispell - missoula - butte - west yellowstone - north east exit of yellowstone - cody - casper - fort collins which is where we are now - on to estes park. saludos for now from lucy and bert and monty xx

Sunday, 13 September 2009

trailer trash


this is my 100th blog post, i wonder if i will get a telegram from the queen? my granny used to look so much like the queen that once some people followed her along and asked her for her autograph. she royally waved them away i believe.

well i have a lot to write about, so i will try to keep it snappy.

below (or above depending where it is) you will find a photo of our new home - a 33foot pace arrow 1985 motorhome. it's amazing, everything is in really good condition, we got it from an old couple round the corner - wayne and elaine - here in kalispell, who are too old to really use it. it had been garaged for a long time so is clean inside and out. it has a tape player, which doesn't seem to work very consistently - either that or it has very refined taste as it played a bach violin concerto tape but not an eric clapton one so far. we also bought a mountain bike for 10 dollars from wayne and elaine, and almost an old falcon road bike - when we took it to the bike shop for a once over they instantly said we cannot possibly work on this, our insurance wouldn't cover us, the frame is cracked and we would be liable if you fell off or worse, you would sue us. i wouldn't, i said, but i understand that this is america and that is the way it is here. we could have had the frame welded back where the crack was (it belonged to wayne and elaine's daughter whose husband was an alcoholic - they said looks like a head on collision type crash from the damage locations - i said that sounds about right for an alcoholic), but that and the respray would cost at least 300% more than we paid for it. shame as it was a cool old bike, with a union jack on the frame, built in lancaster, 1970's racer 10 speed, but he (the bike shop man) said i could pick one up undamaged for around 10 dollars anyway.

bert is busy cleaning all the nooks and crannies of the new home, there are a zillion tiny little cupboards, and from now on our existence will entail constantly putting things away in their little tiny cupboards exactly where they go, because as any caravanner knows, once chaos starts creeping in, it will be a downward spiral to mayhem inside our tiny little house. though it is small it is very spacious, there are enough beds to have 3 guests (preferably small guests, the size of borrowers would be good). there is a 4 burner stove, an oven (keeps turning itself off so our toast was just slightly warm bread so far), a microwave (very retro, just 2 dials to turn - time and heat level - doesn't need to be any more complex than this anyway i always thought), a shower, a toilet (separate), handy little night lights so you don't stub your toe on the way to the loo in the night, and a very cool washing line attachment. these are just some of the features readers. right now i'm writing this in the living room, sitting in an armchair which has a seatbelt so you can sit in it while driving along too, and it slides back and forward on little rails so you can be nearer or further away from your dinner/jigsaw puzzle/other diner.

we have had lots of fun outfitting the home solely from thrift shops (ie charity shops) in kalispell and whitefish. we have probably spent only $50 on all the bedding (including for extra 3 small guests), all kitchen equipment, including one of those swanky cheese slicers that have a wire and a little wooden board - hardly necessary but for 50 cents you can't argue, plus we already chopped some parmesan cheese on it. i also got a cool little bag with a blue helicopter on it, a jigsaw (cheap entertainment is what we need now we have spent all our money on our new home), 8 old national geographics ranging from 1964 to 1988 (which was its 100 anniversary issue, can you believe they started in 1888?), a really cool old crocheted rug with purple, orange and green stripes, and 2 small boxes with filing folder things in to file our bits of paper away and stash in a cupboard. bert got a woolly check pattern montana shirt thing too, which when worn with his cowboy boots and levis and cowboy hat makes him look like a real montanan - which he is, i'll be darned.

in a concerted effort to keep the blog snappy and more digestible, i will contain myself to the highlights of the last few weeks, rather than a day by day list of my every movement. the first week here, which was august 16th onwards, we stayed with robert's cousin vic in whitefish. he has a dog called pearly and a cat called chester. chester is really cute and fluffy and friendly. robert and vic got up early and went to have saunas and the like at some club that vic is a member of - i slept in and awaited the crunch of the tires on the gravel outside then leapt out of bed and pretended i'd been up for hours.... not convincing. robert brought back coffee and mini muffins for breakfast for me which were really tasty, but not a good diet to get started on. it's hard not to put weight on in america, i am a medium fat fatty now.

tuesday 18th august
we went on a drive up the going to the sun highway, which basically crosses glacier national park, and you get to look at all the mountains and views and lakes and trees from your car. this road was built in the 30's and made a whole load of the park accesible to tons of people - the only other way to see it all is to hike in and camp etc, and not everyone likes that sort of thing. we stopped at the visitor centre at logan's pass and looked at the books and at the view, and i voiced my amazement that tea and coffee wasn't served there. only to bert though, not to the management. we walked a bit and saw some goats and on the way back we looked at a bear on a rocky promontory (keep reading for the real bear story). we stopped later in east glacier and had some huckleberry pie, served a la mode, which means with ice cream. it was great stuff. i didn't know huckleberrys were real berries, i thought they were just the first name of huckleberry finn. i asked if they could warm up the huckleberry pie and she said no because of the type of gelatin used in the pie. i thought it would be fine warmer but she seemed pretty final on the matter so i didn't pursue it.

wednesday 19th august
we went up a cable car to the top of whitefish mountain, which is a ski resort, but obviously not in the summer. we walked back down which took around 2 hours. we noticed that most people walk up it and take the cable car back down. i actually think that walking downhill is often harder than walking uphill, so i vouch that we were taking the harder option to all those cissy uphill walkers. we picked some raspberries and huckleberry finns from the side of the trail, and saw lots of chipmunks, which are the cutest animals ever, kind of like small squirrels. they race around all over the rocks and in and out of trees and branches. bert used to have 2 pet ones called chip and dale colier (their surname referring to colier park, oregon, where he got them (taken from the wild - with the famous old stick and box trick)) - bert's dog tipped the cage over and chip and dale got away, chip went and lived in the gopher holes in the ground. bert's dad was drowning the gopher holes later on and accidentally drowned chip. dale ended up in a local bar, and became famous. bert tried to get him back but his mum wouldn't let him because he was such an attraction at the bar by now. that evening we went to some bars in whitefish with vic's son riley. there are some cool old bars in whitefish, and in montana in general - seems you can still smoke in them, but i think that is soon changing - it's certainly weird to see that these days, and especially in america, which i thought was one of the first places to ban it in public. perhaps that was just certain states though.

something else of note today was that whilst hiking down the mountain, we passed a boy running up the mountain - he really was running, but not even sweating and not even a little bit red in the face. we were really impressed and watched him in amazement. about 40 minutes later, he passed us again, this time running downhill. we watched him in amazement again, and figured he must be training for an iron man or some huge athletic event. about 20 minutes later, he ran past us again, going back up the hill. ditto re the amazement.. he may have broken into a very small sweat at this point, but it might just have been us hallucinating, or maybe some of our sweat had got in our eyes and blurred our vision thus making him look sweaty when actually he wasn't at all.

thursday 20th august
we went out on flathead lake with vic's business partner corey and his wife liz, and another couple called bill and mikki (a girl. i think it's short for michaela). we did surfing off the back of the boat, where you hold on with a rope and surf the wake of the boat - it's not the same as wake boarding which is where you aren't attached by a rope and you go sideways jumping over the wake. it's my first time ever doing this and it was very cool, i managed to stay standing for a whole 4 or 5 minutes, all were very impressed. the lake is beautiful, it's the biggest natural lake west of the great lakes (ie those big ones in illinois - lake michigan etc). it was chilly water, to be expected really, but so clear - you don't have to freak out about monsters because you can see what's in there. i think a fish did swim past my leg at one point though so i did some screaming - a bit more subdued than the kind of screaming i'd do in a belizean river, due to america being a bit more civilized. we jumped in from some rocks and looked at some old stone age wall paintings of buffalo on one big rock. i'm not sure if any of those facts are actually correct in that last bit of the sentence, but there were definitely some little blobs of paint on a rock. we oohed and ahed at the amazing houses on the lakeside, there is so much money in america it's really incredible. such big cars and houses and highways and dinners. a rather incredible fact is that 12% of the population in the US live below the poverty line - from being in montana you would not know that poverty existed. i guess it is in places like LA, new york etc where that statistic comes from - everyone here is pretty much living the american dream from what i can see.

legend has it that sylvester stallone has a house on flathead lake. and legend also has it that a man held up a plane back in the good old days when you could get away with this sort of thing, and got a million dollars, and then jumped out with a parachute and apparently lives in flathead valley with all his money. legend also has it that a hang glider pilot landed in a high mountain meadow and was trying to hike out but was never found but his parachute and equipment was, and legend has it that perhaps he got eaten by a bear. what a way to go. more on this subject (bears) if you keep reading. he had a happy life and wife, so they don't think it was a suicide/witness relocation thing. perhaps the bear that ate him did not have a happy life or wife however.

friday 21st august
we went to a rodeo. i had my first ever chilli dog - a hot dog with chilli on it - and some of bert's root beer. a rodeo consists of these various events involving horses, bulls, buffalos and people. the first was the indian relay race - real modern day indians who race round a course, then jump off that horse and on to another one and do another lap. i couldn't follow what was going on too well, but it was exciting nonetheless. there was bull riding, where a bull tries to throw off its rider in a big angry tantrum - this was impressive, but scary when they get thrown off and it seems they are going to get their heads trodden on by the angered bull; there was some lassooing where 2 people on horses have to lassoo a little bull by his horns and feet; another one where you have to lassoo it by its neck then jump off your horse and wrap up 3 of its feet with a rope while your horse stands as a counterweight to the roped up calf whose trying to wiggle his way out of the rope. you have to make sure it's definitely 3 legs you rope up though, if you do 1, 2 or 4 you'll lose points. don't ask me why, i really don't know. the piece de resistance was undoubtedly the last round, which was one of the funniest things i have ever seen - a team of 3 small children, around 8 years old i'd say, hold on to a rope, at the end of which a wild pony (like a shetland pony) leaps and jumps around and tries to get away - the kids are literally being pulled along through the mud by the pony, and flying all over the place, trying desperately to hold on and work their way up the rope - then as if that wasn't enough one of the kids has to jump on the pony and stay on for 2 jumps - a couple of the teams managed this, only to be flung right off into the mud to the great amusement and applause of the crowd. it's all safe and no animals or children were hurt. the rodeo announcer all the while is shouting at them 'get on for 2 jumps!! come on kids!! 2 jumps!'. one kid hobbled away with a mangled knee after the pony managed to kick him. and that was the end of that, all good wholesome fun.

more to come soon, including the bear story. xx

ps please excuse the advert below this blog, but apparently i can make money if i let people advertise on my blog - i think every time someone clicks on an advert i get a halfpenny or something like that. better than a poke in the eye i figured.


Tuesday, 8 September 2009

montana montage

























howdy folks
annoyingly i can't figure out how to put a picture then a caption underneath it, so all the pictures are above, and here are the captions
1. robert me and robert's cousin vic (used to live in belize with robert) and 2 harleys on our harley ride the other day. here we are by lake koocanusa - koochi indians, canada, usa, is how it got its name - it's 90 miles long, 60m in the usa, 30 in canada. a bridge 120 feet high goes across it, toby told us someone he knew once dived off this, he survived. oh, just realised you can't see the lake in this picture, but i assure you it was there, and still is. just off photo to our left.
2. campsite location on our hike to glacier park last week - cosley lake - we swam in it, it was cold, it is glacial, obviously it would be cold. it was refreshing, for one second, then we got out and stopped screaming. amazing scenery. i'll be darned (a montana favourite phrase).
3. me (right) and a deer (left). i think this is a good candidate for another caption competition. i look quite concerned and mildly amused too, i'm not sure i was aware of the deer. a contender for wildlife photographer of the year perhaps. or perhaps tea cosy as head gear of the year.
4. a typical cry you hear in montana. possibly what led to elvis's weight gain in later years.
5. check out the amount of stuffed animals in this man's house! it was insane, he had a wall of north american animals, a wall of asian ones, a wall of african ones, etc etc, 2 walls of photos of him with the freshly shot animals, him looking vicious, the animals looking dead.. there is an elephant there, 2 crocs, 2 bears, jaguars, a lion to name just a few - he has 30 or so more in his garage waiting to be mounted... at least i'm not a leftie veggie anymore and didn't shriek in outrage at all this killing, it is par for the course here in cowboy land.
more to come, sorry for the time delay in blog posts, we are 7 hours behind is that a valid excuse? lots of news, watch this space. happy labor day, it was yesterday, not sure what it means or what the appropriate method of celebration is, perhaps animal shooting? or perhaps applying for jobs? jobs? what is a job? must check my dictionary. hi de hi happy campers bye for now xx

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

hermit the crab and the super drifter

caye caulker from the air
Posted by Picasa
this is strange to have to revert back to belize updates whilst now being in montana: i wrote the first half of this whilst in belize and the rest just now in montana, so it has dual citizenship i guess.

july 23rd onwards
so the tour de france finished, lance came third which is ace. i think next year he’ll win, i wonder who will be on his new team – not contador that’s for sure. cavendish did amazingly well, though i still think he’s a bit arrogant. it was cool watching them cycle the champs elysses for all those laps, i hope next year i can go and watch it in person in a campervan, but not be one of the really annoying crowd members who run next to them really close, that must be really annoying.

we went to see a man who had advertised an rv for sale (ie a recreational vehicle, ie a campervan type thing). it was cheap, but old, but we figured it could be ok, and got quite excited. we duly got unexcited when we saw it, talk about a rust bucket. we asked him had he driven it down from the states, as it had california plates on it – no, he had it towed… hmmm suspicious, why? oh i just did. he was a nice man actually, and turned out he has a show on belizean tv, we watched a bit of it, it’s kind of a lifestyle/religious programme, whatever that really means i’m not sure, but it sure wasn’t that entertaining what we saw of it.

we read the paper a few days, which i don’t often do in belize as the main content is murder-murder-corruption-missing person-murder-religion-murder. one particularly snappy front page headline was ‘money missing from many places’. the best one i saw was last year when i was here for the very first time with abi, it was an economic analysis i suppose about prices rising, it said: chicken gwan up, eggs gwan up. it’s funny because belize is really such a small place that sometimes it seems everyone knows everyone and everyone knows everyone’s business, it’s classic small town syndrome, i find it very claustrophobic, having lived 7 years in london where i quite cherished the anonymity. anyway when reading the paper you see people in there you know or at least have heard of or you know through someone else. mike singh our friend we’ve had meetings with at the tourism and aviation office (he’s the ceo) was named in a moneygram money scandal, bert’s friend jay (the man that has a car dealership in belize city) was in there giving a car to the police force because they’d helped him rescue one of his stolen cars etc etc. one question i have relating to my newspaper readings was - is burglarized really a word? as in the house was burglarized in the early hours of the morning. (i thought it was an ali g type made up word). it’s not coming up with a wiggly line on my computer spellcheck, so perhaps it is, but hang on a minute, the word spellcheck itself just got a wiggle under it – isn’t that ironic. anyway i always thought it was burgled, which also hasn’t got a wiggly line, so perhaps both are allowed. any info appreciated – perhaps one is american, one is english? bert said he’d never heard the word burgled, but if he had to guess he would say it meant vomited, as in oh gosh i just burgled up my dinner.

i called england to speak to the pickles family (3 of the 4 anyway, mum, dad and helie). they were having fish and chips in robin hood’s bay, which is where helie works at the moment. dad told me he was reading a book called 3 cups of tea, and that he had finished reading the book i posted him about belize that bert had read about the scarlet macaws. we didn’t talk for long as it is expensive, but it was very nice to speak to them at all. the main reason for my call was to say can you believe it’s been a year since i left england? they had tried to call me the day before to say the same thing to me, but the phonecall hadn’t worked. anyway i suppose i can believe it’s been a year because that’s what happens, time passes, but it is also kind of an interesting fact that ought to be addressed in some way. here is a small summary of that year away:

south america with abi and laura – guatemala and belize with abi – mexico/guatemala/belize with just me mainly – belize with bert and the planes – montana - ---- who knows what next/aka the future
that’s about as short a summary as i can make it. i have seen lots of things, and done lots of things, and written lots of words about all of that, along the way. i have realized lots of things, some of which i have written about, others which just bubble away somewhere in my brain to be examined further later. i have missed lots of things, like trains and ribena. i have missed my family and friends a lot, which is a bittersweet kind of thing, like it’s nice to miss people that much because it confirms how important they are to you, but it isn’t nice to miss them because that makes you sad. anyway without becoming too sickly reminiscent, that is basically a synopsis of my year away and my current thoughts on the matter. i have had more and deeper or perhaps more amusing thoughts, but they come and go and those are the ones that are here at the moment so that’s what you get. i often wonder how different whatever i write here could be depending on the moment i choose to write it – essentially you would be getting the same information, but there are an infinite number of ways in which i could convey it depending on lots of variables like: what mood i’m in, whether i’ve just eaten and if so what i ate , where i physically am – ie at home, in an internet café, at someone else’s house etc, what the weather is like, what book i am reading at the moment, whether i cycled that day and how far etc etc. i think this is an important matter but am a little tired to discuss it further at the moment.

monday 27th july
due to circumstances beyond our control, we have been unable to still get to work from the airstrip in cayo, so bert came up with the cunning plan of selling aerial photos that we had taken in the past, to resorts. we set off to the islands armed with our photos on a cd to try and make our fortune, or at least to make enough money to pay next month’s rent and bills. on the way to belize city we picked up a blind man and his daughter, he was going to the dialysis clinic in belize city, he has to do this 3 times a week and it’s 320 usdollars per session, which is crazy. he told us he is working with some american doctors to get free dialysis in belize and it is about to happen, which is great. he told us that july is buttefly month in belize, there are definitely a lot of them around, most of them get splattered on the windscreen which is sad.

we dropped our car at the princess hotel in belize city (remember it abi?) and went off to get the boat to san pedro where we met up with john mcafee of mcafee virus software fame who let us stay in a condo he was renting on the island. it was a once swanky but now slightly creepy building, right on the beach, next to captain morgan’s resort. we didn’t have a key for it so each time we left we had to lock the front door from the inside then climb out of the balcony door and leave that unlocked, which made us feel a bit suspicious whenever we came home and had to effectively break in to our own house, or at least look like we were breaking in. the building was last occupied by a religious cult who hadn’t insured it and couldn’t mend the hurricane damage it suffered a few years ago. it had a deck which was all crumbly and a rusty old boat shipwrecked next to it, i dared bert to swim under the rusty old boat he said even he wouldn’t. we bought some food from a store nearby, and i duly noted that things are very expensive on islands. i’m not sure i’ve mentioned it before, but for the last 2 months i’ve been keeping a record of every single penny we spend, and any we earn (large discrepancy), which involves carrying my little notebook around everywhere to make notes. the problem arises if bert goes out to the shops as he never remembers what he has spent and the receipts seem to go missing too…

we spent the next 4 days visiting pretty much every hotel or resort or other place we might think was interested, in san pedro town and outside of town, trying to sell out photos. overall we made 2400 bzd there (1200usd), our biggest sale was to the spindrift hotel who bought 300usd worth of pics. we had 2 days of no sales which was very disheartening, but that’s the way life goes, and despite the no sales, it is all useful contact making as we would hope to operate the business out of the islands one day. we also got 100bzd of food at fido’s, one of the beach bar/restaurants. we visited a dive shop, where a fat english man with a stain on his shirt (supposedly the man in charge), looked at our photos and told us he takes photos like this all the time, and why would he be interested in our photos, we politely replied something to do with the high quality of ours etc, then bert told him about his float plane operation plan and how maybe it could help the man’s dive business in future, maybe bert could fly divers out to the bluehole, to which the man screamed i don’t think you have thought this through have you and then pointed out all the potential difficulties and problems with our so-called plan. all i could think was why and how are you working in the tourism industry when this is how you talk to people, and also what is that stain on your tshirt - a baked bean? some fajita juice? we never found out, and we trotted off giggling.

we hired a golf cart to get around, cars aren’t allowed on ambergris caye, which is where san pedro is. basically there is a south island and a north island, they are connected by a little bridge, you pay them 10bzd for a return trip over it in a golf cart. barry bowen, the richest man in belize, loaned the town of san pedro the money to build the bridge, so this money goes back to him. the south island is where san pedro town is and the north island is a long dusty bumpy road and resorts and private homes on the east which is the caribbean sea and the reef, and to the west there is a lagoon, where there are also some houses, but obviously it’s not as desirable. there are lots of swanky resorts, and also condo buildings, that seems to be where the money is these days. there are also lots of resorts south of san pedro town, but we made most of our money in the town itself as we had the best photos of that area. the pics were taken early in the morning when the sun was coming up, by marius the lithuanian photographer who is making the aerial photograph book with bert, called heavenly belize, out later this year. they were taken in december, so some places which were still building at that time weren’t so interested in them as their places had changed since then.

one night we had dinner with the owner’s of ramon’s village resort to the south, they bought some pictures from us the next day, and they bought our dinner for us which was lovely. the main owner is called richard headrick and he was going the next week to the sturges harley davidson biker festival, but got a call that the person driving his harleys to sturges had a crash and all the bikes were written off. he was still going to go anyway. he had once flown an ultralight, he taught himself how to fly it and basically just got it in the air then crash landed it back down and never wanted to go in one again. when we left he gave us a leaflet about himself which i read soon after, and basically his story was that he used to be all into drugs and drink and crazy things and had spent time in a honduran jail for stealing some mayan artefacts and nose-dived a plane down to earth in a plan to kill himself, but after and in fact during all that he found jesus and now he is all into that and all sorted out. he was really cool, he had long long grey hair in a pony tail and a hawaiin shirt on. he said grace before we ate, sometimes bert does this too – i like it because taking that little time to sit and think about how fortunate you are to have food on your plate really makes you realize you lucky you are, especially in these turbulent crazy and vaguely apocalyptical times. all my life i have just sat and wolfed my dinner down without ever thinking about it, then felt sick from eating too fast, and once the sickness wore off then start looking forward to my next meal. not quite that bad but you get the idea.

other san pedro related tales were:

there is a german lady who has a little gift shop in north ambergris, so each day we drove past her – she’d wave to you from the first door, then you wave back and carry on and she’d run to the other door to try and beckon you in that way as you carried on past. she was kind of dumpy, not very desert islandy really, one day we stopped and said hi and that we’d come to the shop another day, i spotted she had a little cat and asked what he was called. barry, she replied. hmm, very exotic, i thought, barry the caribbean cat.

john’s dog snickers who had been really ill last time we were there was now much better and really really fat, he wouldn’t stop eating. last time we saw him he was eating tons but skinny as a rake and bleeding from his nose (gross), so we figured he didn’t have much time left. it was nice to see him all fat. john has quite a lot of dogs, one of them is actually called fatty. john’s cousin darell and him (john, not fatty) have set up an island taxi ferry service, to rival the existing one there already. they launched while we were there, their prices are a bit less and apparently the other company is really badly run, so they are sure to do well. on day one one of the crew fell overboard, and on day two darell ‘borrowed’ some money from the till, but generally they are doing well so far apparently.

on july 31st it was bert’s birthday, we went for dinner with john and a friend of his, at captain morgan’s resort which is next door to where we were staying in the ex religious cult place. we wanted to know when was the hurricane last year that had made it rain loads and loads in belize, and we asked the waiter but he didn’t know and got kind of nervous and sweaty at being intimidated. john asked him another question which he also didn’t the answer to, i felt sorry for him. anyway, i got bert a birthday card with a picture of a jaguar on it which i think he liked.

we met up with barry bowen, and his wife dixie. they have a beach house in san pedro, and a little bulldog called dently, he looked like an accordion all crinkled up, like he needed ironing. i could never have a dog like that because i really would iron him and that would probably have me arrested, or at least him taken to hospital, but it would bug me so much that he was all crinkled like that. he puffed his fat little way up their spiral staircase. he was in fact very cute, but too crinkled. i suppose the opposite of a bulldog is a whippet. dixie bowen is really nice, as is barry, he bought some photos from us of his shrimp farm near placencia, and some of san pedro and his house. does that make us rich by proxy, that we now have some of the richest man in belize’s money in our pocket? barry is also a pilot so he and bert talked about flying a bit. he has a plane, a cessna 210, closed cockpit, he doesn’t like the idea of ultralights. bert told him i like cycling and that i’d cycled some of the hummingbird highway, he said why on earth did i do that, i said for fun mainly. i’m not sure if he was impressed, or confused.

all this talk of money makes me wonder something i’ve always wondered about this whole financial crisis – why is it that given that all countries seem to be experiencing financial hardship, they can’t just say ok let’s all agree we’ll just mint some new money and then give it out and people can start spending again and we’ll all be out of this slump we’re in? what is it that determines how much money a country has, what stops the banks just minting it anew when it runs a bit low? bert said it has to be backed up by solid gold, is that true? and also, if people are losing jobs and nobody is spending money and stock markets are crashing, then where is the money going – i imagine money is like energy and matter in that once it exists, it can’t just stop existing, it can merely change its form, or its owner. so is there some one or some institution that has all the money now, whereas before it was more shared out? i really don’t get it. and when did money start existing, and how?

after meeting the bowens and their dog, we went off to caye caulker on the ferry, to sell some pictures there. we traded for a really nice condo to stay in for 2 nights, right on the beach (as everything is on these thin little islands). the lady who owned it was called barbara, from canada, she was really nice and knew everybody on the island, and everything about everybody, and gave us tons of good advice of places to try to sell to etc. we made only 450 bzd whilst there, plus the 2 nights for free, and all in all it was a good time. caye caulker is much more relaxed than san pedro, no golf carts or cars, less people, only a few streets really, but enough there for a few days, like nice coffee, places to eat, and sea to swim in. we went to see barbara’s friend irene on the other end of the island, who was involved in marketing for the town council, but she no longer was, but recommended tony who was the head of the town council, so we found him – he was tired from partying the night before, and said he’d call us back later to get some others together to look at the photos as he didn’t have the power to make a money related decision – this is often what happens we found out – you waste your time showing them the photos and giving them the whole spiel about who we are and why the photos were taken, and how much they are and isn’t that a great price because if you were to hire someone to take them it’d be so much more, and isn’t the light great on them because it was so early in the morning, and as you can see there is a slight off shore breeze which means the water by the shore is so still you get the reflections of the buildings, and wouldn’t they look lovely on your website – oh you don’t have a website? – well i’m sure you’ll have one in the future. etc etc. and then they go yes they really are beautiful but i am not the one who can make the decision, i will have to show them to my boss/husband/committee of board members/dog. it’s tiring and we had to have frequent coffee stops which obviously eats into your profits, and then you get on a negative cycle that you’re not making any money, then you can’t possibly sell any more photos because nobody will buy things from grumpy people. you have to stay positive and smiley. i could never ever do something like this as a full time real job. bert is really good at this selling thing though and is much better than me at staying positive in times of hardship/vague stress. one man, i suppose it was tom, as the hotel was called tom’s hotel, when we told him the photos are a really cheap price, he said how much, we said 100bzd each, he said that’s not cheap, and closed/slammed the door in our faces. you look at his hotel and it’s practically a shanty town of falling down wooden ‘chalets’, in need of a few licks of paint to say the least, and you wonder why he doesn’t invest in some marketing and some general maintenance, and maybe he’d cheer up a bit as would his guests, if he ever has any. barbara said that is really the thing you notice with the resorts and hotels here, the ones run by belizeans will be quite shabby and they don’t take much care over upkeep and maintenance, until 5 years later they realize that their place is looking kind of grubby and in the meantime foreign investors have come in and built and maintained much nicer places just next door, along with websites and more advanced customer service. i’m not saying i agree with foreigners coming in and running things when it’s not their country, and obviously there is the matter of money, ie belizeans don’t tend to have much, but you just realize there are big differences in how they do things, and they often don’t seem to know how to capitalize on their potential – kind of the problem of the whole country, there is so much potential for amazing tourism here, but it just isn’t quite developed and realized yet. in a way it’s exciting because there is so much that could be achieved here, but it’s also frustrating. for example everything we’re trying to achieve with our float plane idea and how amazing it would be with all the flat water in belize to land on and fly people all over the place, and pick people up from the beach and fly them to the blue hole diving spot – it’s kind of crazy there are no float planes doing that yet. we did finally get approval for the float plane to operate, from national security (they ban it due to drug trafficking problems), so now we just need an investor to get a plane. anyone out there interested? we can forward you our business plan if so.

we found a beach bar on caye caulker selling lobster, potato, veggies, 3 rum punches and some cake, for 25 bzd each, what a deal, so we ate there for dinner one night. there were lots of english people around in caye caulker, i guess it’s prime travelling time for brits, summer hols and all that. we sat with a nice boy called stewart who is going to study natural sciences at cambridge this year, which is strange as there was a boy on our inca trail trip about this same time last year, also going to study natural sciences at cambridge that year, ie last year. perhaps they will meet and in the course of conversation realize that they both met me at one point. anyway, the other interesting thing about stewart was that he had willingly spent 5 days in belize city once with his brothers. i have never met anyone who has spent more than one night out of choice in belize city, ie the only reason you would stay there is because you were flying out of there early the next morning, ie what me and abi did last year when she left for the states the next day. belize city is pretty much horrible, apart from a small area of it which is ok, but even still you would never exactly plan to spend time there, like you would plan to spend time in london, or paris etc. you would just end up there and have to grin and bear it, or make the most of it. apparently lots of immigrant workers in the states are losing their jobs due to the economy situation, and returning to their countries and thus crime is again on the increase in places like belize city, guatemala city, and other central american countries. that crime then spreads from the main cities to other parts of those countries.

whilst on caye caulker, we got a pet hermit crab. he is currently sitting in the flowerpot eating some raw meat as i write this. we found him clinging onto a sea wall one morning we went swimming, bert brought him back to our condo and we kept him in the drawer. we put a little saucer of water in there for him to drink and a pile of sugar to nibble on - we had not real idea how to look after him yet. in the night we had to take the little plate of water away from him because he was making too much noise climbing in and out of it all night – he didn’t drink any, he just clunked it all the time. the first few days with us he was quite shy but he’s really come out of his shell now. (please pardon the pun but it’s really true). when we left the island we carried him in a pocket of my rucksack, we made sure there was some air in there but not too much of a gap that he could escape. we took him out on the ferry back to belize city and showed him the view from the window. the little boy sitting opposite us had a pet tortoise in a cardboard box and he let us hold him and video him. we wondered why he had the pet tortoise in a box, but he probably wondered why we had a pet crab in a rucksack, so we were equal at least in our wonderings.

there was thunder on caye caulker during the night like i have never heard it before, like the whole earth was cracking open it was so loud. i imagine it scared caulker the crab, if crabs are capable of feeling fear, as it scared the crab(p) out of me. it was also while on caye caulker that i heard that hermano pepinillo (ie brother james) had completed the london triathlon, knocking 30 minutes off my time of 2 years ago. i would expect him to beat me as he is a boy and i am a girl, but that is an impressive time – 2 hours 30 minutes. considering he has a partially metal leg, and has had operations on both knees, it is even more impressive - he should practically have been entered in the special needs triathlon with all those issues going on. obviously i will now have to start intense triathlon training in order to knock 30 minutes off his time, ha ha i don’t think so.

we got to belize city on monday afternoon (august 4th) and tried to sell some pictures there, but it was the same old story of the right person who made the money decisions wasn’t around. we went to one restaurant called celebrity restaurant. i can assure you that no celebrity has ever, nor ever will frequent the celebrity restaurant, it smelt funny and had peeling wallpaper and strange turkish mafia types running it, who eyed us suspiciously when we walked in, perhaps because we weren’t celebrities? not yet we might not be but just you wait celebrity restaurant. we stayed the night at a swanky apartment building owned by luke espat who is another rich belizean, who owns the belizean ports which are being developed for more cruise ship capacity. this was exciting as it had a washer and dryer and we used that to wash all our clothes. plus it had a balcony with a view over the sea, unfortunately you could see parts of belize city too from the balcony. we ordered chinese takeaway which was pretty horrible, a load of deep fried unknown objects, and some sticky rice. we tried to feed some to caulker the crab, who we were housing in the drawer in the bedroom by that point. i hope the cleaners didn’t think it was too strange that there were remnants of chinese takeaway and a small pool of water in the drawer. caulker wasn’t interested in the food, i don’t blame him, and crawled off to sit in the corner of the drawer. i have since learnt that hermit crabs, despite the name, actually like hanging out with other hermit crabs. i now feel pretty bad as we didn’t think to get a few more crabs for him to have as friends, and i hope he doesn’t get too lonely.

tuesday morning we got picked up from our condo by john mcafee and his friend tom and his friend helen. helen lives in cuenca in ecuador, which is a strange coincidence as i have been thinking of going there – it is an andean town in the south of ecuador, meant to be beautiful and a nice place to teach english. this is what helen does there and she gave me info on the school she teaches at, which i am contemplating applying to at some unspecified time in the future, which is when most of my plans take place. i will let this thought bubble away with other ones such as cycling to patagonia… if only money wasn’t an issue there are so many things i would do – good things i mean, not indulgent things like buying yachts or ferraris. anyway we went with john, tom and helen to see some property john has in the north of belize on a river, where he plans to build a tree house resort. we drove to orange walk where we took a boat with eric the boat driver, up the river to the property. there are some workers living there who are clearing it, you can’t get power there so they are doing this all by hand with machetes and by burning bits of it. it was hot and buggy but it will be a cool place when completed. right on the river, so perhaps bert could fly his float plane there too.

bert has 4 nephews called tracy, trevor, travis and troy. this in itself is very amusing, but there is more to it than just that. he used to take troy hang gliding, and he noticed that troy would sing along to the radio in the car on the way, and that troy was a very good singer. bert took troy to a karaoke bar one night to capitalize on his talent, but troy was shy and needed 3 tequilas before he got up to sing. 4 months later, troy was running the karaoke bar and had won the local and national karaoke competitions. these days troy works performing in las vegas and has done lots of cds and is famous in the american country music world. whilst we were driving along we looked through tom’s cd collection, which was very impressive and included classics like pink floyd, dire straits, the lovin spoonful (remember this is belize and music knowledge is not exactly abundant so this was impressive stuff). along with these classics what should we find but a cd of the wonder nephew troy combs himself! we put it on. it is country rock, kind of line dancing stuff. john didn’t like it so we only got to listen to a few songs, but basically it was kind of funny to find it there in tom’s car in the jungle in belize and bert is his uncle.

we stayed that night at a resort called marrumba, it was over the top jungly / animal skin décor, kind of like if you had to stay there too many nights you’d get kitsched out and be sick on the place. for example our room was concrete walls inside, with swirly plaster bits, painted bright silver, and with space age kind of lamps all bendy and different colours, and tiger skin pattern cushions, and palm leaves everywhere with red flowers. anyway for one night it was ok and we weren’t sick on it, but we did drink a few too many rum punches and john mcafee danced on the table without his shirt on. he was sober as he doesn’t drink. there was almost a full moon that night, so perhaps that was the cause of our strange antics. it was fun anyway.

wednesday 5th august, we got a lift back to belize city with john and tom and helen, picked up our car, had some lunch and drove back to cayo. all in all it had been a successful trip selling pictures, we made enough to pay our rent and bought a good second hand laptop so can sell our computer now too, or trade it in for a month’s rent. we had lots of contacts that we followed up on too who may want to buy photos from us, so we figured out how to email them with watermarks so they could look at them but not use them until they pay for them. it was kind of nice to be back in cayo, though it would be cool to live out on caye caulker, mainly as there would be more work there, this thought has been stored up for future pondering too.

august 6th – august 15th: a summary, not too many interesting things happened as it was mainly a decision making time about whether to leave for the states or not

our friend mick from chaa creek was back from his trip to england, so we went to see him which was nice. they are closing chaa creek for 2 months due to not enough guests, i’m sure other resorts will have to resort to this too, which is a shame, but hey times are hard and if it will help in the long run then it makes lots of sense.

i received a parcel from abi and laura which was very exciting as it contained some weighing scales which i used to weigh out the ingredients for my pancakes which we eat at the weekends, instead of using the measuring jug which isn’t very exact. also she sent the book cloud spotter’s guide which is the official book from the cloud appreciation society. bert wants to read it first as he loves clouds too, plus i am reading a book at the moment called who killed palomino molero, by a peruvian writer called mario vargas llosa. the cloud book would have been a good one to read on the plane as we flew over some really cool cloud formations on the sunday. we flew through one coming in to land at missoula but it wasn’t too bumpy so i didn’t have to freak out this time. also in the parcel was a letter from abi and laura, in which laura said that her dad and her uncle pete and their friend are avid readers of my blog! they discuss it at their weekly game of golf apparently, and spent lots of time pondering the 'important' issues i raise. ha ha. well i am very flattered, thank you for that mr cook and pete and the friend. you should meet up with my parents for a game of golf as they play golf all the time, imagine the blog discussions you could have then.

i also received a parcel from mum with some newspaper articles in it, and some children’s books in case i did some more work at cornerstone with the kids. i like getting newspaper articles, there was one about words and language which was very interesting, right up my street, so i’ve asked mum to collect all the future ones as it is a column. there was a whole supplement about michael jackson, which bert read cover to cover, i couldn’t get him to do anything useful until he’d finished reading the whole thing which became vaguely annoying.

i got an email from dad about his recent bike ride with his chums (that is dad language for friends) – he won a bag of jelly babies for being the best hill climber, i will call him alberto contador from now on. sounds like he had quite a lot of falls and near misses, he said he hadn’t got the pedal/brake combination quite figured out. he also snapped the chain, obviously those contador hill climbing muscles were too much for the bike to cope with. he used my focus bike which is the one i cycled land's end to john o'groats on, and he was very impressed with it, rightly so it is a great bike. it is all carbon fibre, and i got it from a really good bike website called wiggle.co.uk, for a really good price. being in montana is making me miss my bike so much, it is perfect for cycling here, lots of bike paths, and big roads, and up hills and down hills, and perfect temperature, not too hot not too cold. i asked in a bike shop about a job, they hire in march which is a long way off. they had some cool bikes there, like orbea and kona - i bought a bike magazine special all about the tour de france (would have been good to get it before the event, but belize doesn't stock things like that), so have been busy reading about bikes and looking at pictures of bikes.

we made a little home for hermit the crab in one of our flower pots, we put some sand in it which we picked up from a local bar whose floor is made of sand – i asked if i could borrow some of it and that it was for my pet crab, and he said no problem and put some in a little bag. we got some scraps of meat from a butcher, we told them it was for our pet crab and he laughed at us. crabbie figured out how to escape from the flower pot by climbing along the leaf that is closest to the ground, and then dropping off it, which is around a foot high so i hope he didn’t hurt himself. he appeared hours later in the kitchen. we lost him overnight once, but it wasn’t much to panic about as there as were lots of bugs for him to eat in the house.
i watched a programme about luis tiant, a famous cuban baseball player, he was the one that throws the ball - is that called the pitcher i'm not sure. there was a time when a lot of u.s baseball teams were made up of cubans, which is quite strange given their relationship, and the cubans were really amazing baseball players. this guy luis tiant was like the most amazing pitcher that ever lived. it was a documentary following his visit back to cuba all these years later, he was now around 60 and hadn't been back to cuba since leaving it 46 years ago, so all his old family members practically died when he turned up to see them. it was really sweet, i would like to visit cuba. the spanish they speak there is very hard to understand though, they seem to pronounce only half the words. i watched a programme about space and the universe, it said that we are made of 7 and then 20 zeros of atoms in our body. wow. and it talked about multiverses, ie perhaps our universe which is huge, is just one part of a whole multiverse, ie a whole load of universes, imagine how huge that is then.

we sold the truck and went to belmopan to arrange for the money from the sale to be transferred from our belize bank account to my account in england. this is because you can’t use your belizean bank card anywhere except belize, which is really not handy. to transfer money internationally in belize, here is what you have to do: go to belmopan to get a permit to transfer the money, which involves going to the transport department to get them to transfer the truck licence to the new owner, which was the car dealership in spanish lookout, then go to the income tax department to get a letter which says that you don’t owe any income tax and that you wish to transfer xx amount of money. then you take these things to the ministry of finance, and they write up the permit to transfer the money which you take to your bank. the bank then has to request the money you need to transfer, by calling a bank in belize city, the man they need to speak to is of course on lunch when you get them to do this. when we got the income tax letter the amount was in us dollars, which when we took it to the finance ministry obviously made no sense when i said it was going to england. so we drove back to the income tax place and got a new letter in uk pounds. the lady that typed the letter though was not exactly sharp, and just changed it to uk dollars. this currency doesn’t exist, but the finance ministry man accepted it anyway. this whole process is ridiculously stressy when you only have one more day to do everything else that needs doing before leaving the country. it took basically most of the day. it is to prevent drug money being transferred, as you have to explain why you have the money and what it is from etc, so in fact it is a good thing, but that doesn’t stop it from being annoying. i got cross examined in the income tax office, they said where is the business based, i said on the chaa creek road, they said there isn’t a runway there, i said actually there is, we built one. we went to have a tequila in cayo when we got back which was nice and made the stressyness and nonsense of the whole procedure become somewhat forgotten. we got the bus back to our house which really isn’t that much hassle, and i’m sure we could survive without a car and just with buses if we have to if we go back to belize one day – it’s much cheaper and we only live around 10 minutes from town.

anyway, that’s pretty much all there is to say about belize for now. we’re not sure what the future holds for us there, if we can find an investor for the business it would make sense to return and do that as we have done so much with it so far. the problem is that with the economy as it is at the moment, and tourism dropping worldwide, then it maybe isn’t the best time to try to be starting something like this. we will see what happens. for now it is so nice to be here in montana – we have done 3 hikes so far, seen mountain goats, stayed in a cabin on the lake, had a close encounter with some raccoons, and i rode on a harley motorbike. more to come on all these things and other things next time. this afternoon we are babysitting madi while jessica goes to work, madi is super cute and has tons of disney dvds so maybe we will watch some of these. she likes having books read to her, and she does cute little twirly dances.
over and out for now and god bless america and all its coffee shops, i am totally addicted to coffee, if i don't have it i get a big headache. better than being addicted to drinking or smoking is how i justify it. hope all is well with everyone thanks for reading sorry it's such a long blog but you did get a picture this time too which tells a thousand words remember. xx

Friday, 21 August 2009